OWC – Day 17

Published October 18, 2017 by K. Leigh

Hello,

Wow! 17 days of posts. I only missed 1 post, but made that up. I almost missed tonight’s post, too. I came home exhausted, got dinner, and then a friend came over to watch a movie with my finace and I.

Let’s just say, the first bit of The Conjuring 2 was scary, and it was made 10x scarier by our friend’s comments. Otherwise, it was a disappointing movie and I thought The Conjuring was scarier. I don’t get scared easily by horror movies. So far, out of the ones I have watched, Creep (2004), Sinister (2012), and The Conjuring (2013) got to me.

Day 17 is “A Favorite Quote and Why.”

“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

This was a quote that was in my sister’s AIM profile when we were younger and it really resonated with me. I was bullied as a kid, especially when I switched schools. I was always different. I was smart – I knew it and I didn’t hold back. I liked anime, but I didn’t let on. I shunned Star Trek (my parents always watched it), but I secretly found it interesting. I wanted to fit in, but I knew I didn’t.

That quote has really helped me to be who I became. I followed the path – or at least tried to – for the longest time. I tried to act cool and I tried to act tough.

When I went to high school, I went to one where no one from my Catholic school went. I had to start all over again. I tried to rebrand myself. I went into a punk phase from day 1. I tried to give off the image that I didn’t care what others thought and I was not to be messed with.

I met the biggest bunch of nerds you could imagine. These nerds got me into anime more than I had been. They got me writing fan fiction. I played video games and got really into them. I even got addicted to World of Warcraft. I was roleplaying online…like LARPing but without all the social aspects. Instead of eating lunch in the cafeteria, we ate lunch in the TV/AV room with the coolest teacher that became everyone’s hero and savior. I know if it wasn’t for him and some of the kids I knew in that room, I most likely wouldn’t be here today.

I started to go down a less walked path. Now, the path has widened and become more popular, but I am still considered weird. Especially at my job.

At first, I became less confident with myself. I shut down again. I regressed to wanting people to like me and accept me. I tried to change myself by inviting coworkers to the bar, which I really hate. I like drinking, I just don’t like bars so much. After still feeling like I was trying too hard and getting nowhere, I had an hour breakdown with a manager I trusted. She helped me to realize that I am who I am. My coworkers shouldn’t hold sway over me. If they don’t like me who cares? I am there to work, not make friends. She helped me see that I was torn between two versions of myself – the one I tried to be at work, and the one I truly am outside of work. I did this in high school too for a little bit. It drove me insane and I didn’t know who I was anymore.

Now, I am back down my beaten path. I am still young enough to continue to discover who I am. One day, I will break off the path that I am on, and leave my own trail.

-K.

October

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